The Metamorphosis/ Soul Deep

I have to get out of the house, I think too much. I silently keep screaming inside my head.

However, is not the Metamorphosis of the butterfly conducive to the desires of man? Do we not all as spirit beings having a physical experience seek to find what lies within the depths of our own souls' purpose?

Are we not seeking to fulfill the regenerative innate pattern that we inherited when we, too, were mere sperms and eggs coexisting once they have collided inside of the living waters of the cocoon (womb)?

My soul is oftentimes restless, discontent, seeking, searching, rising, and falling never in competition with anyone other than the former version of myself.

fearing the Metamorphosis (hmmm), which my higher self (butterfly)knows it was purposed to become...

Do you think the butterfly looks back and remembers it was once a worm, although there are no remnants there to remind it?

And no, I'm not high! I'm just thinking out loud.

This is why I write so much because my thoughts are always on 10,000.... does that make me crazy? Possibly, but so are most geniuses.

Today, Jan 5 is my grandmother's birthday, she loves butterflies, and her favorite color is purple. Her physical body no longer resides in this realm, but her Spirit still resides, covers me, leads me and guides me. Today I was a little emotional and now I know why, her presence is near. I believe she has me thinking deep on the Metamorphosis of the butterfly which led me to writing this post. In my sacred solitude I write a lot! I love writing. However, today's scripting appears more transparent than what I'm used to writing and sharing.

I write in an attempt to make sense of my own thoughts, honestly. If I was to share my thoughts, I thought people would think that I was crazy or tell me what I'm thinking makes no logical sense, but it's the language of my soul and it goes beyond logical sense, it's spiritual. People have told me throughout my life that my thoughts don't make sense or that things aren't that deep, and it caused me to live inside of a bubble that was impenetrable. Sometimes I want to go back inside that bubble. Afraid of my own metamorphosis although the butterfly keeps trying to come out. I wonder if the caterpillar foreshadowed becoming a butterfly would it have chosen to stay in the cocoon? I know the answer to that, and it is no. Nature doesn't question its existence or purpose it just completes its mission, what it was created to do. There really is a lot that we could learn from nature, babies and those we judge as crazy.

I'm holding back tears as I am writing this post and anxiety is trying to surface along with the enemy of self-sabotage telling me what I'm thinking makes no sense and what will people think and speak? Will they think I'm crazy? Hell, sometimes I think that I am too. To be honest with myself and also with you. I've finally reached a point where I'd rather be crazy and stand alone in my truths than sane and a part of a world where we all look the same.

I might just finish the rest of this post in my journal tonight. My metamorphosis is mystical, mysterious and magical maybe it's not meant to be understood, and yet here it is. On my grandmother's celestial Rising, that's what I'm going to title her birthdays from now on. I believe she's smiling, clapping and saying yes, she's finally getting it. I no longer have to search for who I am all I have to do is be and allow it to unfold and enjoy a drink from the wells of living waters.

Thank you for holding space for me.

LaMia Michele P.