In the quiet corners of our hearts, where shadows dance with light, there resides a silent force, it's an ancient spirit that whispers both temptation and survival. It is the spirit of selfishness.
We’ve all felt its pull, the gnawing hunger for more, the instinct to protect what’s ours, the relentless pursuit of personal gain. But is selfishness merely a primal instinct, or does it harbor deeper roots? As I continue to navigate the complexities of human nature, I find myself at a crossroads: to embrace this spirit or to tame it.
Thank you for joining me on this introspective journey as I unravel the enigma of selfishness. Together, we’ll explore its manifestations, its impact on relationships, and whether it holds the key to our liberation or our downfall.
Are you ready? Let’s delve into the heart of the matter.
I embarked on a deliberate, intentional disconnection from the outer world.
Social media, once a noisy companion, became my first casualty. I unshackled myself from its digital grip, shedding attachments like old skin. The illusion of life, the ceaseless dance of pixels and notifications, no longer held me captive! The sweet taste of liberation.
My hiatus extended beyond the virtual realm. Cell phones, those pocket-sized devils to reality, met their demise. Suddenly, I was free! free from vibrating distractions, free from the tyranny of constant communication. In this newfound silence, I glimpsed a peace long forgotten.
I began to think and ponder, perhaps our ancestors, those who lived in simpler times, understood this serenity. They reveled in moments unhindered by screens and ringtones. I, too, reveled. My personal bubble expanded, a realm where my thoughts roamed undisturbed.
But reality, that persistent intruder, knocked at my door. “What if an emergency arises?” someone asked. The bubble burst. I struggled with the impact of my own selfishness, the choice to guard my time, my energy, my space. Was it a trivial matter? Or did it reveal a deeper truth?
Along my journey of self-discovery, I confronted my lifelong selflessness. Always putting others first, I navigated life’s currents with compassion and a deep sense of empathy. Yet, buried beneath this altruism lay a longing, to be selfish, to prioritize my own well-being. How could that be selfish?
So, here I stand, balancing on the precipice of liberation. Is selfishness a sin or a salvation? Can I embrace my personal bubble without forsaking humanity or the well-being of others? As I continue to ponder, I realize that perhaps the Source of All, the silent whisperer within me is the only Source that holds the key.
I continue to tango, a delicate dance between selflessness and self-preservation. I continue to unravel the threads of my very own existence and discover whether liberation lies in breaking free or in weaving connections. Throughout my life, I’ve never harbored a selfish bone in my body. However, upon reaching the age of 48, I’ve come to the realization that perhaps it’s time to embrace a touch of selfishness for my own well-being. Yet, despite this newfound resolve, those deeply ingrained childhood memories continue to resurface. Recently, I succumbed to their pull and made the decision to reactivate my cell phone, all in consideration of others although I know that selfishness is also an act of self-love. My decision to reconnect my cell phone was a struggle but what tipped the scales for me was knowing that my dad texts me every morning and the panic that he would feel not hearing from me caused a pain in my chest. Then there was my daughter and my grandchildren, although I did try to rationalize that they along with others could get in touch with me through social media, that wouldn't be enough. I realized that my act of selfishness would impact the relationships in my life in a negative way. The middle ground, I was able to reach was this; I remembered that self-love isn’t about ignoring others or becoming self-absorbed, that would be selfish. It’s about finding harmony between self-care and genuine consideration for those around you. So, Selfishness, my friend, is a complex trait that resides within the human heart. it becomes a Spirit that needs to be tamed when ego is guiding force; pride, self-centeredness (me first attitude), when it manifests as covetousness and envy, wickedness and malice. When selfishness has the ability to destroy relationships and damage connections, inhibit spiritual growth and dishonor God, then it is outside the scope of self-love.
This wasn't an easy task for me but one that bubbled to surface so that I could examine the motives of my own heart. It is also part of the journey of healing and self-discovery, and I am ready to be fully stripped of my old nature and walk into my newness.
If you have ever had a similar experience, feel free to leave a comment below. I love a two-way conversation and yes, I will respond.
Thank you for sharing space with me,
-LaMia Michele