“Breaking the Silence: Navigating Life with Chronic Pain”

Inspired by a similar post from someone I follow on Instagram, I felt compelled to share my own experience with chronic debilitating pain. As my avid readers, you know that my words always come from the heart, and today, I’ll be raw and transparent. Chronic pain became a silent, unnoticeable disease, a hidden struggle that I continue to face in silence, afraid of sharing my truths, my pain, not wanting my worries and fears to become burdensome and perceived as negative energy.

When asked, “How are you doing today?” I’ve hesitated to admit that I’m not okay. Somewhere in the depths of my mind, I believed that enduring physical pain meant my faith wasn’t as strong as I thought it should be. So, I’d respond with words like “amazing,” “blessed,” or “grateful,” even when my body screamed otherwise.

It all began in 2019 with swelling in my right ankle and an unexplained rash that appeared across my body. Doctors conducted x-rays, ultrasounds, and bloodwork, but no clear answers emerged. The swelling persisted, accompanied by numbness in my right foot, my right toe and shooting pains like electrical shocks in my right leg. Life continued, and I pushed through the unbearable pain, ignoring all the warning signs.

My experience with chronic pain has been a mysterious journey ever since it started and up until today continues to be a mystery.

Fast forward to 2022, the pain continued to intensify. The rash returned sporadically, showing up anywhere it pleased; my fingers, under my breast; on my legs, under my arms—no area of my body was off-limits. Then came the morning when my legs betrayed me. My right leg went completely numb, and I collapsed. Clinging to the side of my bed, I waited for sensation to return. This repeated for days, then weeks and I sought answers once more. However, no answers or medical test could explain so I was left with frustration and uncertainty.

Bloodwork, tests, and appointments followed, yet the medical puzzle remained unsolved. No blockages, no nerve damage, no autoimmune disease, just a frustrating mystery. The neurologist’s EMG revealed nothing conclusive. They told me it would have to get worse before they could pinpoint the cause. I broke into pieces from hearing these words. How much worse? and worse it did become.

So, my life has now been summed up to living with Chronic Pain! Every single day!

And so, I navigate life with chronic pain as best I can, a silent disability, yet all-consuming. Each day, I grapple with uncertainty, resilience, and the silent struggle that others like me face.

If you’re reading this and you, too, battle chronic pain, know that you’re not alone. And if you’re learning about this reality for the first time, I hope this glimpse into my journey sheds light on what it means to live with pain that defies explanation.

What's even weirder about my story is that my mother suffers from the same leg pain. So of course, me being me and hearing those dreadful words after leaving the neurologist office, I sat in my car and cried out to God, in between tears I swear I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, this isn't physical its spiritual. However, I will write about that in another post how pain drew me closer to God and sent me on a mission to get to the root of my pain from the spiritual perspective.

To add insult to injury in September of 2023 I was in a car accident where I was hit from behind and my life has never been the same since that day. The pain intensified and everything changed!

I pray to God everyday while holding onto my faith that I am granted once more a better quality of life. Before this I was active and, on a journey, to get my weight down in hopes that the weight loss would help ease my pain. The activities such as being able to walk around the park and get two three to five miles in, seems like a distant dream now. Let alone going to the gym! Oh, how I wish I could run on the treadmill again. I tried while I was in physical therapy and the defeat of realizing that life had changed for me in that moment, brought me to uncontrollable tears. To be active with my grandchildren is null and void at this point, and that is the most heartbreaking part of living with chronic pain.

Some days are better than others, but every day is a day filled with of pain. One day my pain might be at a 4 and others it's at a 20. Sitting or standing has to be done in intervals, because either one for too long triggers the pain. Some days I am literally stuck in my bed unable to move. Pain medication offering me no relief. To walk down the stairs, up the stairs is even a task.

The second worst symptom is the mental toll that it takes and suffering in silence because others think it's as simple as losing weight, or as the physicians recommend, epidural steroid injections, that did not work for me. I tried positive thinking, I tried ignoring the pain by telling myself it's all in my mind and if I don't think about it, it will go away. Guess what? It hasn't! I suffered in silence out of fear and convincing myself that it isn't as worse as cancer, or some other terminal illness so get over it and push through! The daily, unexpected surprise flare ups are the worst. Imagine walking through the grocery store, the mall, or in your house and having to brace yourself because your legs have gone numb and now you are paralyzed in one spot until the pain passes. My grandchildren are truly heaven sent, as they try to understand and with compassion offer to help me by giving me back massages and rubbing my legs. My grandson even prays over my legs. I stopped complaining or even expressing what it is that I am going through, because I'm not sure people will truly understand my pain. I've tried all I can, physically, that now at this point all I have is my faith and belief in miracles. What sucks is that I have a new symptom, a new pain that started about 2 1/2 months ago, that has now found its way to my right arm! My entire body is tender to the touch. I am constantly losing my balance, strange, strange, strange.

Again, all test performed found nothing! What sucks about this is that as a writer is that I still enjoy placing pen to pad. The radiating pain in my right arm has infiltrated my ability to write for an extended amount of time. As a creator, a writer, I guess this is where technology will now become a friend. While there is oftentimes a blessing in the wound, I have taken the time to look for it. The blessing is that man's medical technology, test and bloodwork tells me I am perfectly healthy! It's a blessing that they haven't found anything, but that doesn't take away from the physical pain and symptoms that I am experiencing. I started to think maybe I am crazy and it's all in my mind. I believe it's called "psychosomatic". Maybe its stress, or maybe there is an underlying cause that just hasn't shown up yet. Either way, God has me covered and every day, pain and all I rise!

While I do not know what tomorrow brings, I have made a vow to not take anything in my life for granted. I am growing closer to God, daily, my faith is increasing and no matter what Gods plan for my life is greater than my pain.

Thank you for reading. I will be starting a gofund me soon so that I can seek an alternative, holistic approach to combat this silent disability. In the meantime, if you would like to support me, follow me on social media @_oneplantedseed or @_iamlamiamichele where my products are available as well as my cashapp handle: "$lamiamichele75"

My goal is to go the holistic route and go fully plant based to meet my dietary needs. Body Reset!

'Be kind to everyone you encounter. There are so many fighting silent battles alone that they will never speak on, trust me I know I was one of them.