I cannot believe that I actually wrote what you are about to read! I secretly started this blog back in 2020. Today I drifted back down memory lane and found a mountain of unpublished post.
As I am rereading and looking back, I can't believe I am being bold and courageous enough to share my words and thoughts with the world, today, in the year 2024. I believe that this version of myself that is showing up now has always existed within me, but the guilt, shame, pain and everything in between I carried would not allow me to show up. I guess the time has finally come and I just had to let go of fear and grab the little girl inside by the hand and tell her no more hiding! Secretly in the back of my mind, she still whispers and silently prayers that the world isn't reading our words, is that weird? Well, here goes something that I pray resonates with you, even if it's the scared little girl or little boy that it resonates with inside of you.
May my vulnerability give you the wings to take flight.
2020, please let real love find me! Love is on the table, I wish I was on the table, in someone's bed or wherever my current mood takes over! Hahaha, just laugh and go with me for a minute as I dive into these feelings I have been trying to suppress! I wrote a post a few nights ago while I was in my bag. Oh, in my bag means in my feelings, my thoughts, my pity bag, my lustful thoughts all that sort of stuff.
I am a Libra, and it is part of my nature to love, desire and to place a huge emphasis on relationships and companionship. I love, love and when I love, I love hard asf! I remember one of my ex's breaking up with me for loving him too much, oh yeah how is that even possible and if it is, from my perspective isn't that what we all want? To be loved beyond the restrictions of love and to be loved without measure? Well, the tables have turned, and I found myself after he and I parted getting into a relationship with someone who "loved" me too much, but it was not the same! Boy, oh boy did I now understand exactly what he meant and if this was love, I wanted out, and immediately! It's crazy how God places us in other's shoes so we can truly understand. However, now I am realizing that being single and spiritual is totally different from being single and religious. Both come with struggles and challenges. I found myself diving a little deep into the waters of my mind on this topic and you get the lucky opportunity to swim with me.
I was rereading over some things I had written in my journal. I found my own words to be simple, but posed with a profound question, "I am ready for love but is love ready for me?". Whew! let's talk about it.
I'm not sure if you have tuned into my podcast on Anchor, "Real Authentic Conversations", where I spoke on my spirit boyfriend. If you did, be honest, did your head spin? Just chill let me explain. A spirit boyfriend or girlfriend is someone who you have seen only in the spirit, astral realm or in the dream state which is really not a dream but is considered to be the "real reality." I hope that came out how I meant it and I am not confusing you too much, I am still unlearning to relearn too. I am a dreamer and a prophetic dreamer another set of undiscovered spiritual gifts and talents that I need to explore more, but I keep intentionally ignoring. But any who, this individual my spirit boyfriend and I have only encountered one another in another realm, the dream realm, not in the physical, hence what makes him a spirit boyfriend. At first mention I was just as blown away as you are as you are reading these words. when someone broke it down to me exactly what and who he was and why I was experiencing him, I should have pumped the brakes. I have never seen his face, but I have caught glimpses of him, his skin, his hair and even his smell, pretty cool right? Yeah, I thought so to but it's not cool at all and it took me four years to understand it..but keep reading.
What makes this even more powerful, or so I thought, is that about 13 years ago I recall a pastor saying in one of his sermons something along these lines, "you will know when him when you see him because you would have met them in the spirit first." It will feel like meeting a familiar stranger. That message stuck with me all these years and I never forgot it so when I first caught that glimpse of him, spirit boyfriend, in my bedroom, exiting the shower, I knew exactly what it meant, and it gave me so much joy in knowing that I was getting closer to meeting him in the flesh. When I finally see him, I will know him because our spirits will be able to recognize one another. I thought that this was cool, until I actually manifested him in real "waking' life. I'm not sure if I was having outer body experiences or astral projecting. I had these vivid dreams before, but I just never knew what they were actually labeled. As I lay across my bed one night, Spirit boyfriend appeared and this time he took it too far, this spirit attempted to have sex with me, and it scared the living crap out of me. It was in this very moment that I knew I was not about to have sex with a spirit and now my butt was scared! What in the world had I tapped into?
In the mean and in between time what is a single, celibate woman supposed to do?
Wait and prepare! Pretty much! Right? Right!
There is still work and healing to do that never seems to stop!
I started to feel like being single and in the midst of my spiritual awakening to the real "version of me", that as a free spirit I should be able to do what I want with who I want right? Isn't that the beauty of being a free spirit? You get to do and live in the "Now", live in the moment and do the things that set your soul free in that "Now" moment. Then I started to question and think how sex and spirituality mirrors the rules that coincide with sex and religion and personally I haven't grasped fully how spirituality is governed by laws or rules outside of the natural laws of nature.
Within the constructs of religion individuals save themselves and abstain from sex to seek the reward of marriage. Well, how does that work in Spirituality?
Especially knowing that, sex is a ritual. You can use sex to bring manifestations into reality, there is tantric sex and sex magic; there is a sacredness in sex and aren't these methods and tools to having sacred spiritual sex. Now, as I stated before, what I am not into is having sex in the spiritual state or realm with spirit boyfriend. I had already started to question if this spirit boyfriend was an incubus spirit, so no spirit sex for me!! I hope he is feeling my energy as I am writing this post.
Hold up, let me make a point, I am not referencing semen retention or abstaining from masturbation for the sake of preserving your life force energy. I am talking about sex as a ritual and sacred dance between two consenting individuals who are sexually attracted to one another.
Hold up, while I make another point, I am also not equating love and sex to be the same although we all love sex, lol. well, most of us do! Maybe that is the point from a spiritual perspective, the reward of abstaining from sex and not giving into those lower vibrational frequencies is to reap a form of agape, unconditional love that can only be with someone whom you have encountered spiritually first. I don't have the answers, I just like to entertain the thoughts and dissect my wave forms to make it make sense to me, a moment in my humanness.
Sex is a form of creative energy which can be referenced and corresponds with your sacral chakra and to be honest I am still healing and unblocking that energy.
It's funny that while I am allowing God/Spirit to flow through me, I find myself talking about the chakra systems a lot lately, but I welcome it gladly as I am open to being divinely guided. What's even funnier is that in 2016, on one of my thrift store book runs, I picked up a book on Chakra's unintentionally, or so I thought. Nothing is by coincidence, nothing. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Sex is all around us in many forms as it a core function of humanity, right. From a spiritual perspective sex is energy, a universal force that connects two spirits which is our divine essence with our physical bodies. I read an article while researching this topic that made perfect sense to me; sex is involution and evolution, spirit descending and physical ascending and the meeting of the two erupts into an explosion of "pure love". I place an emphasis on the pure love part because one still has to take into consideration who is worthy of partaking in the act of sex as a sacred ritual. I can go further into sexual transmitted demons, Incubus and Succubus spirits but maybe in another post.
I want to dive in more on Spirit Boyfriend and how that entire situation unfolded. Let me build up the inner courage as I am still recovering from the experience and wondering what the hell door did I open and how do I shut it?
I welcome and look forward to your feedback, questions and perspective on this topic.
Oh, before I end, I wanted to revert back to the question that I asked.
Am I ready for love, is love ready for me?
Think about it...how will one know the answer to that question?
If love was to present itself to you right now, are you prepared to receive it?
What if sex presented itself to you right now would you give into the lust or just let it pass you by?
Have you ever encountered a spirit boyfriend or girlfriend?
Did they ever manifest?
Something to think about! No pressure though because pressure burst pipes!
Until next time,
Love, Peace & More Life~
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